Stell dearest –
I just feel that I must write to you even though it may only be a note. I love you so – that if I don’t get my opportunity to be with you some way or other, I just fill up and become terribly depressed. That is the way I felt this evening. I knew that you were rushed, sweetheart and that you couldn’t speak for more than a moment, but still – well I don’t suppose that I ever will be satisfied until I do have you. When you tell me of a your hours spent with other men, I doubt so much my ability to hold you. I know that you will be furious at me for writing this way, – but, Stell I love you and I am so afraid when I feel that you are slipping away from me. I can hardly wait until Thursday when I amy be with you, – and be reassured in the only way that quiets my fears. That is presence, your words and your love.
Oh, honey, I don’t know what is the matter with me this evening. I should be sensible and see things clearly as you want me to. You are everything in life that is worth while and I do believe you, – but, oh it is so hard to be away from you and know that others have you. I once thought that I could be unselfish – but I can’t. I want you and I want you to know it always. If only we could make some definite step! If we could do something or have some symbol that would always tell us that we belonged to one and other. This way it is all so vague and hard to not fear when we are apart and others come in.
Estelle, do you think me absurd, or do you understand the misgivings and fears that come along with my love for you?
This week is so short. Your aunt is here and course you must be with her. I shall be gone over the week end – and with all the force that it draws me to you I shall have to be intent with a few hours Thursday nite – and those few shared with others I am not satisfied and I want you to know that I am discontented. It isn’t your fault, – perhaps it is mine. This letter won’t help matters any, but it gives me an opportunity to give vent to my feelings to and to try to tell you how much you mean to me.
I expect to have a very hectic week end. You know the purpose of my visit. It is to lay the seed. What will come of it all I can only venture a guess but I am impatient to find the road that can take me to the one goal I feel worth while. You are there, – and that to me is all.
Estelle love, I shall not apologize for this note for I don’t want to feel that I should apologize for telling you how I feel. Perhaps you have never known me in this mood. You must know me sometimes, and I am sure that is better now than later.
I love you as I never conceived that I could love anyone, – and I am your
Leon
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