Friday
Stella dear: –
I have just returned to the room after speaking to you and I am trying to sort out my jumbled emotions so that I may describe them to you. The first is that I didn’t tell you a thing that I had planned to, and when I finally came down to earth while boarding a “Superior Through” car I was stunned by the doubt of whether I had told you anything at all.
Stell honey, I love you so that I feel completely in tune with you and am going to tell you just how you felt after talking to me. In the first place you were very much dissatisfied. You had been looking forward to our conversation and had been planning all the things we were going to tell each other. When the precious moments did come we seemed to be unable to say the things that mean so much to both of us. You were disappointed weren’t you, sweetheart? Were you angry at yourself, or at me?
Well, I feel the same way. I am kicking myself for not telling you the love words that I had stored up for you. It is always that way it seems when I speak with you over the phone. I never can tell you the things that you want to hear.
It will always be that way, Stell. I will always be dissatisfied and feel that there is something missing until I really possess you as my own. If you love me you will always be dissatisfied too until our hopes are realized.
Now, honey, it was great to hear your voice again if only for a few minutes, and I am really exceedingly happy even if there is that thing of dissatisfaction. I don’t know what I expected of the poor telephone, but I must have thought that it would bring you into my arms so that I could stroke your hair and well – just love you.
You see I expected too much, and when I found that I would have to be content to talk into a bare transmitter instead of holding you as I have ached to it was naturally disappointing. Stell, I shall always have that strange, lost, “something missing” feeling until you return to me. –
Be frank, dear, didn’t you feel the same way when our call was completed?
Now here is what I wanted to tell you and ask you. – Has your attitude changed at all since leaving Cleveland? I wanted to try to tell you how I missed you and how I will always want you to be sure of me. I hoped I could clear up the wrong impression that I feared my Wednesday letter might have created, – and well, I just wanted to draw you to me! – Perhaps I expected too much. Next time I call I shall have notes with me so that the joy of hearing your choice won’t make me forget the words to express my thoughts. – I know you were terribly disappointed in me, Stell, and would not be surprised if you cried a bit afterwards. My one ambition is to prove worthy of your love – and your tears.
It is nearly midnight darling, so I shall have to be brief. Just a few notes.
I Your voice sounded so far away, dear. Are you sure you are strong enough to be around as you are?
II I winced a little when you said you might not write for you had nothing important to tell me.
III After a few days struggle I have finally come to the conclusion that I have a very jealous disposition. every time you mention your beaux, or your men visitors I very promptly and efficiently go up in smoke. However, you must keep me informed for I would prefer being jealous to feeling that there might be some unknown taking my place.
Your very impulsive and always loving
Lee
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